“You are too damn sexy,” I remarked.“You’re not bad yourself,” she replied.She rolled to her back and I rolled with her, and next to her. She rolled back on top of me and for the first time, we kissed. She slipped her tongue past my lips and deep inside. Her kisses were deeply passionate, her tongue probing my soul.We lay there for the longest time, just enjoying the closeness of each other’s company and kisses.“Am I your first black woman?” she asked.“Yes,” I replied, “But the color of your skin really doesn’t matter to me. You have soul and you’re kick-ass sexy.”“I’ve never had a white guy before,” she replied, “You’re just as good as any brother.”“I’ll take that as a compliment,” I replied.“You know what they say?”” she asked our faces mere inches from each other. “Once you go black, you never go back.”I had to admit there was probably some truth to her statement. She was undeniably sexy. I slipped my hand down to her still wet pussy and inserted a lone finger.“Hmmm,” I said,. It can’t be denied, anger is impotent, and there is really no bargain that can be struck. But depression settles in and won’t let go. It was what led me to alcoholism. The constant thinking ... hammering in my skull ... about things I couldn’t change. My own impotence. And drinking only drove me further inside. I wanted to be there for Josh, to let him know that he was supported, but I’m an adult.It was Cassie who invited him to church with us a few weeks after the incident. I was surprised when he accepted the invitation. His father declined, saying that he found comfort in the Methodist Church and didn’t feel inclined to change. He was not going to discourage his son from going, though.Church service led to Sunday dinner together. Just after school let out, I took him up in my little Cub. It’s not the most intimate place to have a conversation. Even though we were isolated, it was noisy. When we landed, Josh smiled at me and for the first time, gave me a hug. Then he was gone.
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